Slavery™ In America? Really Not So Bad!

Michael Medved is tired of feeling so bad about Slavery™. In fact, he's written an article defending it!

Medved to Black Folk: Where's the love, y'all? 'S'up wit da hard feelings? Give a cracker some cheese!

Read the whole thing here if you're into cruel, detached rhetoric. Or, check out his talking points below.

1. Slavery was an ancient and universal institution, not a distinctively American innovation.
Even the Bible said it was cool, dare we question that?

2. Slavery existed only briefly, and in limited locales, in the history of the republic - involving only a tiny percentage of the ancestors of today’s Americans.
What happens in Alabama, stays in Alabama.

3. Though brutal, slavery wasn’t genocidal: live slaves were valuable but dead captives brought no profit.
Among adults aged 18-35, Getting The Crap Kicked Out Of You™ tested better than Getting Killed.™

4. It’s not true that the U.S. became a wealthy nation through the abuse of slave labor: the most prosperous states in the country were those that first freed their slaves.
Yes, slaves were mostly used for small, non-profits, to keep overhead down.

5. While America deserves no unique blame for the existence of slavery, the United States merits special credit for its rapid abolition.
And we get bonus points finishing The Civil War in just 5 short years.

6. There is no reason to believe that today’s African Americans would be better off if their ancestors had remained behind in Africa.
We'd certainly have at least 791,600 black men in prison, even without slavery.

And remember folks, he's available to speak to your small church group!

Krazee Komix

Uh, Yes, Pitching IS Pretty Important...

"When I first came here, I said that pitching is 85 percent of the game. In this division, it might be 90 percent... [g]ood pitching is going to thwart real good teams. It is my belief now that this franchise is really going to have to focus on pitching."

- Orioles President of Baseball Ops, Andy MacPhail

Mister MacPhail, let me correct you: pitching isn't even 90% of the game. It's more like 95% of the game. Baseball is essentially nine innings worth of head-to-head showdowns between pitcher and batter. Give me 4 top notch starters, two powerful relievers, and a few average hitters, and we'll go to the playoffs every year.

Instead, we've just wrapped up our 10th straight losing season.

Please Explain #5

Sunday evening, under CNN.com's "Latest News":

"The Rock's 'Game Plan' beats Foxx's 'Kingdom'"

Why do we consider a movie's opening weekend box office take "news?" A film, even a film starring "The Rock," is a creative work. Must we quantify a creative work's value by tickets sold?

The weekly reports gushing over the profits raked in by major film studios really cheapen the art of moviemaking. Do you really care if Jamie Foxx was "beaten" by "The Rock?" Does everything in America have to be reduced a football game?

Like the United States, France is well-known for it's cinema. But rest assured, you won't see articles about "Le Box Office" on the front page of "Le Monde."

Broadly speaking, French films are based on ideas; American films are based on formulas. The quality of cinema in France absolutely blows away the United States. Now, that's a game worth winning.

“You’ve Infiltrated The Sanctity That Is Men’s Football”

Some follow up to the Lady Reporter vs. Coach story:

Well, the readers have weighed in. While the vast majority of comments posted at the Daily Oklahoman took the high road and merely eviscerated the Lady Reporter for what she wrote, quite a few men (and women) unleashed their full misogyny:

"What do you expect from a girl covering football. She should be fired."

"As for Carlson--I don't know what it is that makes a female want to be a football writer. As a male, I can't imagine writing about things I really know little about like, say...beauty contests or women's issues. But, as we all know, it's a free country. Why don't you just assign her to write a powder puff football column or stories about the sport from a female point of view--not locker room stuff. She's not qualified."

"Women should really stay off a sports board, I mean really, they only pretend to like sports. A chick has to display intimate knowledge of the game before I'd believe it.."

"She's certainly entitled to an opinion. But, it sure looks like the opinion of a token female sports reporter who has never played an organized sport in her life or had much of a relationship with her mother."

"When was the last time you played college football? I'm not so sure you would jump up and walk it off. I find it disturbing with all of the sports to write about, you go after Reid. I was hoping for something more from a women. Maybe you should try writing about who is wearing what and who is dating who."

"Maybe it's just me, but am I the only one tired of having women tell me their 'think-so's' and so-called 'facts' on men's sports? Don't get me wrong. I love women and see them as equals, but it just seems to be extremely odd to have more and more women commenting on men's sports! It began in the sixties, I guess. I wasn't alive then. All I know is that women have infiltrated the sanctity that is men's football. A MAN'S game!!"

"An adult woman who is supposed to be a professional took cheap shots at a young mans manhood."

"She gives woman sports writers a bad name"

"I am still in high school and I know that if some woman who has never played football or known the pressure and emotional toughness of quarterbacking a team would write the same article on me I would want to have her fired. "

"Send this woman over to the celebrity beat where she can write catty gossip to her heart's content. Then get someone who actually knows and cares about sports to write your sports columns. "

"I think that it is a sad day in America when a "grown" obese woman can sit and judge a "proven" athlete. This is a man who is in school trying to do things right, and you have the audacity to put him down.How dare you! "

"Do women feel that a man can honestly tell them what it is like to have a baby or how much pain they may be experiencing during the birth? When they do, I will listen to a woman's opinion on how a male football player is supposed to "gut it out" and question his level of pain during a game. "

Try To Wrap Your Brain Around This Idea

Ever wonder what Alexander the Great's voice sounded like? Or what Cleopatra really said to Marc Antony while cruising the Nile? Did Charlemagne speak with a lisp?

Alas, the ancient folk didn't have recording technology back then, so all of that is lost forever.

Or is it?

Years ago, Art Bell's radio show featured a discussion of a nascent scientific theory called "acoustic archaeology." Basically, the theory proposes that, under the right conditions, audio can be captured from certain inanimate objects like pottery, wood or canvas. Some have theorized that sounds are stored like the rings in a tree, never disappearing.

Sound far-fetched? Well, as the cliché goes, space travel was once science fiction. Sound extraction may never happen as perfectly as we might dream, but with computer modelling, who knows? Maybe one day we'll hear that elusive audio of Jesus trying to pick up a chick.

For some further discussion on the topic check out this book on Stone Age acoustic archaeology. If you like reading quasi-academic papers, try this on for size.. For more of a layman's introduction, click here.

What The Early 1940’s Looked Like

Though color photography has been around since the Civil War, until fairly recently it was too expensive for the masses. From 1935, when Kodachrome was invented, until probably the mid-1950's, color photography was a luxury few middle class Americans could afford. That's why when you see a rich color photograph like the ones above, it stops you in your tracks.

Study these photos too long and you'll get a little teary-eyed. So much has changed; yet nothing has changed.

These rare shots were found on one of the best blogs on the net, Shorpy.com.

Visit Shorpy.com

A Must Have For The Lil' Urchins

Fond Childhood Memory: During summertime visits to my grandparent's Appalachian farm, we'd often bust out the ice cream churn for a good old fashioned treat. We didn't use one of those post-modern electric churns, either -- it was all elbow grease.

This interesting unit upholds the same Puritan principal (work, then eat) but turns it into a toy. Kids today have it too easy -- buy this and tell 'em they can have all the ice cream they want, as long as they make it themselves!

The Wayback Machine: Reaction To Release of Original iPod

I'm not a big techno-geek, but when I read about the soon-to-be released 5 GB iPod back in 2001 I knew I HAD to have one. I bought mine within days of release, and have had one ever since.

Yet many of the Mac faithful boldly predicted the white-cased iPod was no more than a white elephant, destined for failure. Here's a sampling of early reaction from the MacRumors website:

"I still can’t believe this! All this hype for something so ridiculous! Who cares about an MP3 player? I want something new! I want them to think differently! Why oh why would they do this?! It’s so wrong! It’s so stupid!"

"gee! an mp3 player with a HD! how original! kinda reminds me of a JUKEBOX i once knew."

"I’d call it the Cube 2.0 as it wont sell, and be killed off in a short time…and it’s not really functional."

"All that hype for an MP3 player? Break-thru digital device? The Reality Distiortion Field is starting to warp Steve’s mind if he thinks for one second that this thing is gonna take off."

"There are already two products similar to this on the market. The Nomad Jukebox and the Archos Jukebox which can come with a 20 gig HD. The iPod is obviously alot cooler and has firewire, but it is far from revolutionary. I for one am disappointed and think that apple is making a mistake by trying to get into this market."

Since the above remarks, Apple has sold over 100 million iPods. More significantly, the iPod has forever changed the way people listen to music. No one proudly displays CD collections in their homes anymore. And does anyone really enjoy listening to format-driven commercial radio these days? The iPod made it possible to store a complete CD collection in a card-deck sized device, allowing custom playlist creation for effortless shuffling between musical genres. The only negative I've noticed is this: with so many songs at your disposal, it's sometimes hard to finish listening to one before skipping ahead to the next one.

Yes, it's possible to create an iTunes playlist so large that you couldn't listen to each song in your lifetime. Isn't that the real challenge of the digital revolution? With so much content, so easily stored and accessed, and one short lifetime, how do we decide what's worth our attention?

You Go, Girl!

"Woman Attacks Vice Cops With Pepper Spray

JEDDAH, 25 September 2007 — Two Saudi women called members of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice “terrorists” and one sprayed the men with pepper spray after the men stopped them for not conforming to the Kingdom’s public dress code, the commission said yesterday in a statement."

Read the full article here.

At Christian University, we were harassed for violating the dress code, but it was usually for wearing shorts. These gals were intimidated for wearing (gasp) makeup. We all know the K.S.A.'s a tough place; they're certainly braver than I would be!

Underachieving Coach Yells At Lady Reporter

After his Oklahoma State Cowboys squeaked by Texas Tech, you'd think coach Mike Gundy would be in a great mood. Instead, he decided to scream at Jenni Carlson, Lady Reporter.

See, the Lady Reporter had the temerity to point out the OSU quarterback's infantile behavior in last week's devasting loss to a lesser team.

Gundy's response? Make sure everyone finds out the Lady Reporter doesn't have children of her own. You see, in his mind, a childless Lady Reporter covering a major Division I college football team is prohibited from criticizing an athlete receiving a state-funded scholarship. Why? Well, uh, hmm... any PARENT would understand!

Gundy describes his poor, helpless QB as if he's an eight year old boy who just found out there's no Santa Claus. C'mon, Mike, give us a break!

Implicit message? Why would a Lady want to write about football anyway, when she should be at home having babies?

Please Explain #4

We hear it from the right wing all the time: "Big Government is anti-capitalist! Let the free market decide!" Or, from Ronald Reagan himself: "Government is not a solution to our problem, government is the problem."

The free market worshippers claim all the world's problems would be solved if we'd only let the God-ordained free markets operate unfettered. Well, last week Jon Stewart asked the Big Kahuna of free markets, Alan Greenspan, a simple question, which I'll paraphrase:

"If the United States purports to advocate a free market economy, than why do we need The Fed to regulate it?"

Check out the answer.

Let's Not Let A Good Thing Die

For those of us who obsess over such minutiae, here's a great presentation on the Toronto subway font, a striking, geometric design, but one that recent station expansion has completely watered down. New stations don't always bother to feature the unique Toronto font. Some feature Gill Sans (descendant font of the London Tube's ubiquitous "Johnston") or (gasp) a poorly-drawn Helvetica.

C'mon, Toronto, you're in the big leagues now -- let's get your typographic house in order!

Click here to read the presentation
Purchase the font here.

A Modest Proposal

The New York Times has lifted the firewall guarding their TimeSelect premium service. Management recognizes that web traffic drives advertising revenue, and denying access to their most popular columnists only hurts their bottom line.

Everyone knows that traditional newspapers are on their deathbed, so why not take this approach one step further: give the printed newspaper away free! That's right, if you want a newspaper from the vending machine, just grab one and take it.

This business model works for hundreds of free alternative weeklies across the country. It also works for commercial television.

Think about it, Arthur Sulzberger, Jr!

This Week in Pit Bull Attacks

Such sweet lil' doggies!

"Pit Bull Attack Victim Speaks Out"
"Takoma Park Considers Ban After Pit Bull Attack on Teen"
"Pit Bull Attacks In Fremont, Hayward Connected, Police Say"
"Women save toddler from pit-bull attack "
"Patrol dog on mend after pit bull attack"
"Pit bull attack claims life of family's beloved dog"

Hyperbole In Top 10 Lists: The "...of All Time" Claim

Overly enthusiastic writers love to add gravitas to their lists by injecting the "...of All Time" claim. Sometimes, though it's just not called for.

To Wit:
"The Best Punk & Emo CDs of All Time."
Punk & Emo as musical forms have only existed for around 30 years. Human beings have kept written records for around 5,000 years. Don't you find such a grandiose proclamation about the importance of Punk & Emo in the grand sweep of human history a bit presumptious? Plus, I'll bet the list writer has never heard some of the old school Emo that came out of Ancient Mesopotamia back in the day...

Homework Assignment:
Refrain from using the "...of All Time" claim unless appropriate.

Correct use:
"The Top 10 World Events of All Time"

Incorrect use:
"The Top 10 Things I Did Yesterday Of All Time"

The Top 10 List of Top 10 Lists #1

Who doesn't love a list? Here's Blogrizzard's first installment of the Top 10 Top 10 Lists:

Click to visit.

1. Top 10 Most Fascinating Urinals
2. Top 10 Deadliest Animals
3. Top 10 Most Influential Amiga Games
4. Top 10 Wedding Photographers
5. Top 10 Worst April Fool's Day Hoaxes Ever
6. Top 10 Funniest and Most Brilliant Bus Ads
7. Top 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All Time
8. Top 10 Most Annoying Alarm Clocks
9. Top 10 Things Food Companies Don't Want You To Know
10. Top 10 Least Intelligent Dogs

Best Moment of the Emmys

If you don't show up to get your Emmy, here's what might happen...

The Cult of Billy Mitchell

"Who is Billy Mitchell?" you ask? Well, he's only the best Donkey Kong player in the world! Any hardcore gamer will tell you that! But when Steve Wiebe, a down-and-out family man from Washington State, loses his job, he sets out to change his luck by breaking Billy Mitchell's untouchable Donkey Kong world record.

That's the premise of the incredible new documentary "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters." If you're not sure you'd enjoy a movie about a bunch of arcade-dwelling social misfits, think again. The first minute of this film hooked me. And it hooked the audience, too: reacting to a key plot point midway through the film, the crowd erupted into spontaneous applause, something I've never experienced before.

Good storytelling doesn't obsess on a solitary theme. Hence, "King of Kong" becomes a tale of (take your pick): cult of personality, the cycle of failure, the quest for redemption, recapturing past glory, a man's needs vs. his family's needs, the integrity of our institutions, the return of the Messiah, and many more.

The likable outsider, Steve Wiebe, represents the moral center of the film, but his goodness comes with a price. After losing his job, rather than focusing on providing for his family, he neglects his wife and two young children to play Donkey Kong in the garage. For most of the film, he's essentially a bachelor, unwilling to step into his role as husband and father (sadly, a role he already inhabits). For him, a loving wife and two beautiful children aren't success -- earning the respect that comes with the world Donkey Kong record is.

His nemesis, Billy Mitchell isn't just the most compelling character in the film; he's one of the most compelling characters I've ever seen on screen, anywhere. The long-haired, bearded Mitchell inspires a Christ-like devotion in the gaming world. He's got it all: money, charisma, a luxurious mullet, and a silicon-enhanced babe at his side. When interviewed on screen, he eats up the camera, exuding total confidence and self-assurance, unlike his terminally-geeky disciples. And because of his personal magnetism, we witness this fan club desperate to protect their hero as the movie builds to a "High Noon" showdown.

Why do these arcade insiders worship Billy Mitchell so much? The film shows us a cocky sleazeball so unaware of his own megalomania that you'd hesitate to call an ambulance were he struck by an SUV. But among the arcade geek-eratti, he enjoys such Branch-Davidian devotion that you wonder if he's drugged their Red Bull with love potion. One Billy-devotee breathlessly equates him to a Jedi Master. A pair of Billy-boys show up unannounced at Steve Wiebe's house to intimidate his wife. Billy's own parents gloat about how their son is always one step ahead of everyone else.

No spoilers here. Believe the hype, and go see this movie. The ensemble of real-life characters are far more compelling than any others you'll see this year.

The Best Athlete in the World?

The best always seem to make it look easy.

Roger Federer has won 12 majors in 5 years, barely breaking a sweat. It took the current record holder, Pete Sampras, 12 years to win 14 majors. You can't call Roger the Tiger Woods of tennis, because he's better at tennis than Tiger is at golf. And he's a more complete talent on the tennis court than Michael Jordan was on the hardwood.

Kurt Streeter over at the L.A. Times makes the case:

Pete Will Not Go Quietly

From Roger Federer's web site:

"Immediately following his 4th consecutive US Open victory, a 7-6, 7-6, 6-4 win over Novak Djokovic, Roger announced that he will play Pete Sampras in a special one night exhibition to be held on March 10, 2008 at Madison Square Garden, New York. Sampras holds the current record with 14 Grand Slam titles."

Pete's a bit concerned that his Grand Slam record will be broken by Roger Federer next year, and rumors have swirled that he's plotting a return to the game. This exhibition will give Pete an idea if he stands a chance against the mighty Federer.

We're Kinda Doing Pretty Good, Sort Of... I Guess

Remember the war thingy that's going on in that place that's really far away? (it's what all those faded yellow ribbon bumper magnets were supporting).

The people that are doing war stuff over there say we're having a rousing not-total-failure!

So what say we keep going with this thing!? And by "keep going," I mean let's keep letting our Army dodge IED's while the rest of us drive our SUV's over to T.G.I. Friday's tonight for some chicken wings and FRIED MOZZARELLA!

Who's with me?

Fallingwater Meets CGI

Check out this incredible labor of love from computer modeller Cristóbal Vila.

I've had the pleasure of touring Fallingwater, and must say that yes, this short film does indeed do it justice!

Big download, though. Grab some coffee.

Watch it here:

(incidentally, how beautiful is the Spanish name for Fallingwater, "La Casa de la Cascada?")

Phascinating Phact #1

Reno, Nevada is further west than Los Angeles.

To paraphrase Shakira, Maps Don't Lie!

Top 10 Songs About Northern England

Folks, it's never too late to build your own playlist of songs about northern England.

To get you started, here's some recommends from the Guardian:

1 The Dalesman's Litany, Tim Hart & Maddy Prior
2 It's Grim Up North, The JAMMsy
3 Station Approach, Elbow
4 Gonna Send You Back to Walker, The Animals
5 Hit the North, The Fall
6 Rumble on Mersey Square South, Wimple Winch
7 Up Here in the North of England, The Icicle Works
8 Sproston Green, The Charlatans
9 Stanlow, OMD
10 Sheffield Shanty, Monkey Swallows the Universe