Slavery™ In America? Really Not So Bad!

Michael Medved is tired of feeling so bad about Slavery™. In fact, he's written an article defending it!

Medved to Black Folk: Where's the love, y'all? 'S'up wit da hard feelings? Give a cracker some cheese!

Read the whole thing here if you're into cruel, detached rhetoric. Or, check out his talking points below.

1. Slavery was an ancient and universal institution, not a distinctively American innovation.
Even the Bible said it was cool, dare we question that?

2. Slavery existed only briefly, and in limited locales, in the history of the republic - involving only a tiny percentage of the ancestors of today’s Americans.
What happens in Alabama, stays in Alabama.

3. Though brutal, slavery wasn’t genocidal: live slaves were valuable but dead captives brought no profit.
Among adults aged 18-35, Getting The Crap Kicked Out Of You™ tested better than Getting Killed.™

4. It’s not true that the U.S. became a wealthy nation through the abuse of slave labor: the most prosperous states in the country were those that first freed their slaves.
Yes, slaves were mostly used for small, non-profits, to keep overhead down.

5. While America deserves no unique blame for the existence of slavery, the United States merits special credit for its rapid abolition.
And we get bonus points finishing The Civil War in just 5 short years.

6. There is no reason to believe that today’s African Americans would be better off if their ancestors had remained behind in Africa.
We'd certainly have at least 791,600 black men in prison, even without slavery.

And remember folks, he's available to speak to your small church group!