Design Firm Critique: The Republik®

I stumbled upon the website for "The Republik®," a graphic design/advertising/marketing firm based in North Carolina.

Their design work isn't half-bad; they've been featured in the quasi-prestigious Print Regional Design Annual. Some of their graphic design has a bit of wit. I like the way they use type. They think about things before they design. But the way they present themselves on their website makes me want to puke.

I don't know anything about this firm, but based on the first 3 screens of their site, I've concluded that they're:

(a). pretentious (Silly German spellings were lame when Mötley Crüe did it back in 1982).
(b). Republican (get it, "Republik?").
(c). Conservative white dudes who shave their heads and wear goatees. And listen to Korn. While burping their lame, ugly babies.

Witness:
Screen 1. What's the first thing we see? "CHANGE OR DIE™" Who are these guys? Charles Darwin? What kind of preachy, all-caps (with a trademark, no less) bit of pretentiousness is this? The Republik® wants you to believe that if you don't hire them to change around your "brand," you will die. In reality, you won't die. You will live. Your brand might die, but all brands die eventually (except Zildjian). You should be glad if your brand dies. Brands are lame. If your brand dies, you'll be free to live the life you're supposed to live. The sun will rise tomorrow. The birds will sing. Everything will be fine.

Why do I want to hang out with these fear-mongers?

Screen 2. Oy vey... They want me to fill out some kind of survey... I have to declare whether I wish to do this, or not. This is obnoxious. If I don't want to "personalize my experience," they try imply that I'm really missing out on something awesome.

Screen 3. Fortunately, there's a programming bug, and I'm able to click on "WORK" to see their portfolio. The portfolio is all anyone cares about, anyway, right? Right! So how do these guys handle it? Yikes, they turn it into some kind of game! Yes, when you click on "WORK," instead of seeing "WORK," you see all these bubbles, and then you see little boxes with the names of their clients. But, wait (how kool is this) the client boxes are constantly moving! Yeah, that's right! You have to chase them around, like in a video game! These guys are so cool, they think you'll spend your valuable time chasing around the little icons representing our client work! They're more fun than Pac-Man! Aren't these guys the coolest, most creative dudes in the entire Research Triangle?

When I finally see me some portfolio, it's for some kind of lame fishing boat client. Yawn.

Love, it, dudes, rock on!