Microsoft Shelves Pricey Ad Campaign

Blessedly, Microsoft has put the kibosh on those awkward, unfunny Bill Gates/Jerry Seinfeld ads.

In true Microsoft fashion, the campaign smacked of throwing big money at a problem. "Jerry Seinfeld was cool 15 years ago! Let's see if he's available! And we'll pair him up with Bill Gates for some observational humor!"

The final result? A series of spots featuring two extremely wealthy men, idly resting on their laurels. Not cool.

Let's not forget that the computer seen on the set of "Seinfeld" was always a Mac.

Meanwhile, the Apple campaign (which could have been produced for, say, $20,000) rolls on. These spots reinforce Steve Jobs' legendary aesthetic (a Nordic, white-on-white austerity), while clearly positioning Apple as the computer/cell phone/mp3 player of choice among the hipster set.

While Bill Gates' place in the history of information technology is undeniable, I've always considered him more opportunist than innovator. His empire, built on stand-alone software packages that run on operating systems pioneered by others (like Apple), is in peril. Conversely, Steve Jobs continues developing consumer products that revolutionize the industry, along with ad campaigns that seem fresh and relevant to their target audience.

While I'm loathe to gush about a corporation, any corporation, can anyone deny that Apple is the most innovative, most relevant, most American corporation in the world today?

Go Panthers!

Famous alumni of this great American high school:

• Ryan Malone (hockey player)
• Sean Casey (baseball player)
• Kevin Orie (baseball player)
• Heather Terrell (author, barrister)

They Grow Up So Fast…

Pebbles the Cat is becoming a big girl now. But she's still playful, and she purrs a lot.

When I finish my shower and swing the curtain open, she hops up on the bathtub rim and licks all the water off my leg while purring loudly.

She's very furry. Her ruff is regal. She only eats dry food. She never tries to sneak outside. She poops in my plants. I think she misses her brother. She only drinks water out of a people cup. She's one years old. She was found wandering around with her littermates at Lake Arcadia. She was adopted last Halloween. She greets me when I come home with lots of cat talk. When I say her name, she flicks her tail wildly, even if she's pretending to be asleep.

I only call her "Pebbles" during official business, like trips to the vet. Usually I call her "Pebby," "Baby Cat," "Lil' Baby Cat," "Baby Girl," or "Ki-Ki."

The omnipresent sense of guilt I feel for not spending more time with her only confirms my suspicion that I'd be a mediocre parent at best.

Worth The Proverbial Thousand Words

Caribou Barbie, another victim of an unfortunate camera angle.

Lovely Rita

Our song break today is one of my all-time favorite ballads, "We're All Alone."

The melody, by Boz Scaggs, is incredibly complex for an AM pop song. From the first notes, the singer must absolutely nail some difficult passages. Rita does it effortlessly, without labor or hestitation.

Scaggs is also to be commended for constructing such a perfect fit between words and music. Very few words sound forced into the melody. The pacing of the phrases is fantastic, and the melody never bores. And Coolidge sings as a comforting, reassuring lover, beguiling, yet somehow maternal. In her hands, the song becomes an erotic lullaby.

I find her performance (while sometimes breathy) far superior to the Boz Scaggs version. In his take, Scaggs affects his Kermit the Frog voice, and I get too distracted to enjoy the performance.

Rita is still performing today, and she's as lovely as ever.

American Rogues You've Never Heard Of: Dan Sickles

Until stumbling upon his name in Wikipedia, I'd never heard of Daniel Sickles. I suspect very few people have. But for a time, he was one of the most famous men in America, and today, many lawyers are familiar with his name, for reasons you'll soon discover.

Born in New York City, in 1819, Daniel Sickles was educated as an attorney. He entered politics as a Democrat in the New York Senate, and was elected to Congress in 1857.

A few years earlier, Sickles married a 15 year old girl named Teresa Bagioli, daughter of a prominent Italian vocal coach. The couple became a prominent fixture on the Washington social scene, but Sickles, a notorious womanizer, conducted numerous affairs with prostitutes and courtesans.

Eventually, Mrs. Sickles began her own affair with US District Attorney Phillip Barton Key (son of the author of "The Star Spangled Banner"). When Dan Sickles learned of the situation, he murdered Key in broad daylight near Lafayette Square (firing at least one shot directly into his groin). Almost immediately, public opinion favored Sickles. But he still had to face trial for murder.

Represented by a dream time of notable defense attorneys (including Edwin Stanton, later Secretary of War), Sickles claimed the murder was caused by temporary insanity. This defense had never been attempted before in a United States court, but it worked, and Sickles won acquittal, to the delight of a sympathetic public. But Sickles lost that sympathy when he publicly forgave his wife with these words: “I shall strive to prove to all that an erring wife and mother may be forgiven and redeemed.” They remained married until her death at age 31.

After the trial, Sickles rehabilitated his image as a Union general during the Civil War. At Gettysburg, a cannonball struck his right leg, mangling it so badly that he underwent amputation (the leg bone and cannonball are on display at the National Museum of Health and Medicine) within thirty minutes of the injury.

Undaunted, he went on to serve as US Minister to Spain after the war. Rumors swirled of an affair with Queen Isabella II.

He continued to serve in government until his death, at age 94, in 1914.

So, anytime you groan at the prospect of an insanity defense in a scandalous trial, remember Daniel Sickles. He made it a viable option.

I certainly believe his life should become the subject of a major motion picture by Oliver Stone. Can we get Woody Harrelson to star? No? How about Matthew McConaughey?

Abstinence-Only Education, In Action!

Well, so much for abstinence-only education. The Religious Right loves the story of redneck hockey dude and Bristol Palin's heaven-sent love story. In reality, these two poor saps are being strong-armed into a 1920's-style soul-crushing marriage designed to paint a Disney-style happy ending to their teenage fling.

Pickles Bush on W.

"And let's not forget that President Bush has kept us safe."

Yes, he has, if you don't count September 11th, 2001 and Hurricane Katrina. Nearly 5,000 Americans died on his watch during those two episodes.

The most recent time I can recall more Americans dying within our borders was during the Great Flu epidemic of 1918.

Max Richter Takes On Ring Tones

Minimalist composer Max Richter hears opportunity when a cell phone rings.

"Why is is it that the ringtone medium has so far been treated as unfit for creative music?" he wonders.

In his "24 Postcards" suite, Richter has composed short pieces designed to be used as cell phone ring tones. He envisions a performance in which the audience, having received text messages from the composer, "performs" the work. Very interesting!

Go to the 24 Postcards site to listen to the ring tones. They're very inspiring, and further push what I'm now recognizing as a new creative discipline: the creation of visual art or music intended for an audience using a specific piece of digital hardware, like a phone, or a computer.

The Answer, As Promised

Tragically, each of the people shown in the photograph 2 posts below have accidentally killed someone.

Most of the deaths resulted from auto accidents. Laura Bush ran a stop sign and hit a car driven by (reportedly) her ex-boyfriend. August Busch IV's female passenger was ejected from the open sunroof of his Corvette during a crash. Rebecca Gayheart swerved around two slow-moving vehicles in a residential neighborhood, killing an elementary school-aged boy. She was talking on her cell phone at the time.

Statesman and two-time Presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson accidentally shot and killed a 16 year old girl while demonstrating his military drill squad moves.

The weirdest incident happened to Stefan Edberg. As a junior tennis player at the U.S. Open in New York, Edberg accidentally struck a linesman in the groin. The linesman fell to the ground, hitting his head, and died later in the hospital. Game, set, match.

The Speech

With expectations at least a mile high, Barak Obama delivered an unspectacular speech in Denver Thursday night.

Obama has a reputation as a top-notch speaker capable of soaring rhetoric, but this speech rambled and failed to establish a clear, succinct theme.

Perhaps he overreached. The stadium setting was too large. The important thing was that his acceptance speech play well on television, not in a football stadium. His critique of corporate American greed was blunted by the large "Invesco Field" signs above the podium. His pacing was disturbed by the applause lines. He spoke too specifically when we wanted a speech with lofty concepts, worthy of etching in stone.

We expected nothing less than MLK's "I Have A Dream." In reality, he didn't even approach Jesse Jackson's 1988 speech to the Democratic convention.

Still, he confirmed his position as a thoughtful, tough leader, and we couldn't help but be amazed that this gifted man has achieved so much, starting with so little. He stands in stark contrast to George Bush, who, as Anne Richards famously noted, was born on third base thinking he hit a triple, or even John McCain, the son of an admiral who was the son of an admiral, and married his way into wealth and privilege.

One can only hope that African-Americans, seeing this man stand before his country not because of his athletic prowess or musical abilities, but rather, for his intellect and political skills, will take part in this important election in November. They alone can sway the vote. If they vote.

What Do These People All Have In Common?

The answer is SHOCKING.

Tune in tomorrow.

A Serious Sense of Style

Music legend Lou Adler is the cool looking dude you see seated next to Jack Nicholson at Lakers games.

He's cultivated a personal style that's tailored, yet casual, and youthful while still age-appropriate. He wears very little color (usually a no-no for septuagenarians) except for his tinted shades, or the occasional chartreuse shirt.

Let's get him to judge a Project Runaway challenge!

Incidentally, he was once married to Shelley Fabares. He's now married to Daryl Hannah's sister, Page. He's the composer of the Sam Cooke/Dr. Hook classic, "Only Sixteen." He produced Jan & Dean, The Mamas & The Papas and Carole King, among others.

Will Ferrell as Gerard Butler as The Phantom (and the Question of Artistic Sacrilege)

This short clip from "The Late Show with David Letterman" finds Will Ferrell performing/butchering Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Music of the Night."

[Background: Ferrell and Letterman were discussing "stunt casting" on Broadway and the West End; Ferrell then noted that he had been recently cast as The Phantom.]

It's fairly evident that Ferrell has some real natural singing ability.

Interestingly, several comments express a sense of sacrilege:

• Being the huge Phantom Phan that I am, I enjoyed this. It seemed as though he was mocking Phantom a little but like I said it was still funny (as long as he wasn't putting down Phantom)
• i dont find this funny he totally ruined an amazing song!
• he's funny but he just mess-ed up one of my fav. movie and one of the best song ever...
• I hate it! It completely mocks Michael Crawford and All others who could sing the song, Music of The Night.
• This is INSULTING.... but vaguely funny....
• Ouch. Clearly trying to imitate Michael Crawford and failing mize-- MISERABLY. It... kind of hurts...
• he is surprisingly a good singer but i cant beleive he murder music of the night it is like my second fave song
• Normally...I would be highly offended and wouldn't even have watched this. But uh...I guess I'll give in because it's Will Ferrel. That was funny. But I LOVE the Phantom. He's mine.
• HE RUINED THE SONG!!!! i mean yah its SORTA funny, but still! he ruined the dang song!!
• ...this brings a bad name to Erik... but still kinda funny

Essay question: is there such a thing as artistic sacrilege? That is to say, when an artist creates something of sublime emotional resonance, is it "wrong" to poke fun at their work?

Frat Boy-In-Chief

Is it any wonder the United States:

• Is currently embroiled in two unwinnable wars?
• Has lost prestige across the world?
• Is in the midst of a housing meltdown?
• Is $10 trillion in debt?

A Brave Woman

Christina Applegate has revealed she underwent a double mastectomy after her breast cancer diagnosis.

Though the cancer was isolated to one breast, she opted to go "radical."

For any woman, this must be a harrowing decision. Since the dawn of time, breasts have been a symbol of fertility, sexuality, and femininity itself. When a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, she has to grapple with these complications as she fights for her life.

Applegate, who rose to fame as a nubile sex symbol on "Married With Children," made a tough, brave decision that may ultimately inspire many other women extend their own lives.

Do breasts make a woman a "woman?" Absolutely not.

Get well, Christina, and may you have a long and healthy life!

A Popular Southern Dish

Ask for it at by name, at finer grocery stores across the Mississippi Delta.

A Disturbing Album Cover

Concept: Shirtless, hairy-chested musician holds flute.

Hello, Grammy!

Cool Album Covers of the Sixties - "This Time By Basie"

This 1963 collage-style cover doesn't look the least bit dated. It's spontaneous and ramshackle, just like Count Basie.

The designer of this cover didn't have Photoshop either. This was all put together by hand, and it shows.

Cool Album Covers of the Fifties - "Blue Tango"

Leroy Anderson wasn't particularly photogenic. The designer of this cover used an unexpected crop, lots of white space, elegantly small type and a fun illustration to sell this album.

Juxtaposition

Ya gotta love the all-American small town scene juxtaposed with "The Last Tango In Paris" marquee, a semi-notorious X-rated art film starring a middle-aged Marlon Brando.

Photo taken at Vineland Shopping Center, Vineland, NJ 1973.

My family used to shop at a Pantry Pride grocery store in Baltimore. The store is long-defunct.

The signage is pretty over-the-top Googie, too.

What's In Steve Jobs Closet?

Uber-cool Apple honcho Steve Jobs has developed a simple take on business attire:

Monday: Black mock turtleneck; Levi's jeans; New Balance trainers
Tuesday: Black mock turtleneck; Levi's jeans; New Balance trainers
Wednesday: Black mock turtleneck; Levi's jeans; New Balance trainers
Thursday: Black mock turtleneck; Levi's jeans; New Balance trainers
Friday: Black mock turtleneck; Levi's jeans; New Balance trainers

Top American designer Michael Kors has a similar aesthetic.

Ode to a Broken Air Conditioner

86 degrees is the temperature at midnight in Oklahoma City.

The A/C at my office has been broken for over a week now.

There's absolutely NOTHING cooling us down except for fans. My studio is in a room without windows. Everyday when I arrive at work, I feel like a beaten man.

This is all coinciding with an intense heat wave in Oklahoma City (luckily, things will start "cooling down" later this week; highs will only be in the mid-90s).

I thought I'd write a poem about it.

Ode to a Broken Air Conditioner

Sweat trickles
down my forehead
smearing the illustration
I struggle to realize

My crotch is not a crotch
But a microclimate
Dank and dire
It is a world that knows not relief.

'Ere, but I shan't complain
Early peoples did not have A/C
Heat was hot
Crotches were damp
Things stank.

Still, I rage
I rage, rage
against the dying of the A/C
And that has made all the difference.

Goetze's Meats

Beautiful advertising sculpture. Or hideous, depending on your take.

To me, beautiful!

Folks, We Have A New #1

Rafa Nadal will indeed usurp Roger Federer and become the #1 tennis player in the world.

Roger has completely lost his way. Nadal has gotten into his brain, and rearranged all the gray matter and ooze, leaving The Fed floating aimlessly, like a ship lost at sea.

Advice for Roger: adopt a belligerent tone. Complain loudly to the chair ump everytime Rafa takes more than 30 seconds between serves. It's kind of a dirty trick, but it just might work!

More advice for Roger: hit the gym, skip the Olympics, and stop wearing the Wimbledon sweater. You look soft and comfortable. You're the best in the world. Don't let a Spaniard wearing white capri pants dominate you!

Advice nugget #3: hang in there and wait for Rafa to self-destruct. The way he plays, he's bound to hurt hisself.